its the 4th of december so a while after we ended and im sorry im still thinking about this but i cant make myself stop
seeing you every day seeing your eyes hearing your voice and your laugh every day rips my heart out knowing we'll never be together again
i cant even look into your eyes anymore without starting to replay everything over again and thats the worst part i cant get you out of my head no matter how hard i try i cant hate you i cant bring myself to stop liking you because i know when i do then youll truly be gone
i know you probably are already gone and you dont even think about me anymore
which is okay i know i didnt mean as much to you as you did to me
this is probably stupid anyway ik ur never going to read this and we were never a thing anyway i dont know why i always feel like this
i js loved everything about you i miss talking to you all the time i hope you know that
u really were the best thing that happened to me
i miss you baby
im sorry for pressuring you
ik this is no excuse but i was getting rly scared of asking or not asking cos everyone kept asking me if i was going to and i rly didnt want to rush anything but i felt rly scared so i did
im sorry i never should have put that decision on you when i knew you were confused
i js didnt rly know how these things worked or what the best time was to do it
and now im js scared you never want to talk to me again
or that youve replaced me with someone else
i think you have
thats probably my fault
i shouldnt feel sick when i think about it because you were never mine i know that and im sorry i get jealous i js loved what we had so much and i know it probably wasnt as good for you as it was for me but i rly rly miss it more than anything
you were all i thought about for four months and i cant even stop it now
i hate what we've become i hate how i took those beautiful few months for granted
id do anything to go back and try again
ik you dont want to though
sorry about everything
every time i hurt you or made you feel uncomfortable i hate myself for it and it runs through my head all the time how badly i treated you im so sorry
i know youll probably never forgive me or never saw me the same way and i rly dont blame you
im sorry i got attached and caught feelings you were js the first person id met who i truly loved everything about like i couldnt find one bad thing to say about you
that might be rose tinted glasses but i js enjoyed ur prescense so much and every time we talked or called even just to do homework or revision i loved it so much
im sorry if i made it seem like i didnt and i hate myself for taking it for granted
i cant stop crying
its every day now most times i can hide it until i get home cos i dont want to bring the mood down or seem like im weak
its js seeing you in my memories and its all i see
everything even as far back as last year christmas dinner all the way up to the cinema its always replaying in my mind i dont know how to make it stop
or if i want to make it stop
bc i rly dont want to forget a second of you
you were all i wanted
what we had was all i wanted
i never wanted this to happen now me being scared to even look at you
i hate it im so sorry i did this to you
i hope ur doing okay
u probably are
thank you for all we did and the time you spent with me
im sorry i wasnt better for you
because you do deserve the best
ill let you go now
thank you
i love you
owen
♥
